Business Etiquette

True Woman | Why Not Pursue Him?

2011-03-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

THE DAWN OF REDEEMING GRACE

2010-12-24T08:52:00.001-05:00

THE DAWN OF REDEEMING GRACE
The Christmas Story is not an earthly tale of Santa Clause or Frosty but the celebration of eternal hope to a spiritually lost world. While singing the old classic carol, Silent Night, a phrase in the third verse caught my attention - ..."with the dawn of redeeming Grace." This sums up so neatly the truth of the Christmas Story. Christ's birth was the dawn of the New Testament, God the Father reaching out in love to His creation when His creation loved Him not. It was the dawn or opening act of the new covenant of grace produced , directed, and written by the Father through the role of Jesus, His beloved Son. It was the dawn of redemption for our failure to love God with all of our being in favor of lesser earthly things. It was the dawn of grace, love poured out by the Father through the Son to mankind that is not deserved or cannot be earned but presented as a gift. It was the dawn of reconciliation with the Father through the Son because our sin separated us from His holiness and perfection.
Those in contemporary society who have made it made their mission to silence the traditional Christmas carols from old is to try to silence the voice of the Almighty. The words of spiritual truth either harden or humble the heart towards God. May this Christmas season be the dawn of humility of your heart submitting to a God who spared not His only Son as a sacrifice to demonstrate the love and forgiveness He freely offers as a gift and may you experience "the dawn of redeeming Grace."

"As it is written: 'There is none righteous, no, not one;'  Romans 3:10

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"  Romans 3:23

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."   Romans 6:23

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."    Romans 5:8

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,"
Ephesians 2:8

"that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."                         Romans 10:9

True Woman | The Six-Second Kiss

2010-12-14T11:23:00.000-05:00

True Woman The Six-Second Kiss

HOW TO BECOME A DYNAMIC PUBLIC SPEAKER & POWER PRESENTER

2010-11-30T13:26:00.099-05:00

HOW TO BECOME

A DYNAMIC PUBLIC SPEAKER

& POWER PRESENTER

Part I: Confidence

Are you paralyzed with anxiety

at the thought of speaking in front of an audience?

You are not alone, public speaking is the #1 psychological fear even more than death. And yet, it is a valuable leadership skill that can propel you to the top of your industry, company, or community. Whether you are a rising professional, business leader, or politician, the ability to make an effective sales presentation, conduct a board meeting, or deliver an inspiring toast increases your stature and distinguishes you above the crowd.

Confidence is key to maintaining control of your presentation and ultimately your audience.

Preparation

Your attention to preparation and readiness prior to your engagement or presentation eliminates mental stress and insures your ability to communicate confidence.

Research and know the character and culture of your audience.
Prepare notes with large print for easy reading.
Write down key points only.
Use checklists for necessary supplies, equipment, and setup instead of leaving it up to memory.
Arrive early enough to setup, familiarize yourself with the venue, and handle unexpected changes.

2. Practice

Practice, practice, practice until you develop what professional dancers call "muscle memory." Rehearse to the point of performing without thinking about what comes next.

Rehearse your entire presentation start to finish no less than six times including timing.
Practice in front of family and friends for a live audience.
Include in your rehearsal strategically placed voice changes and gestures to emphasize key ideas.

3. Become Fearless

Fear dissipates when you talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. Controling your thought processes plays an important role in success.

Cardio exercise prior to your engagement expends nervous energy.
Visualize yourself speaking with composure, remembering your material, and handling difficult questions.
Breathe deeply.
Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can happen?" and how will you respond?

"Whether your forum is a corporate boardroom or PTA meeting,

your degree of speaking skill will determine to a great extent how

seriously people take your ideas and whether they will follow your lead."

Aram Bakshian, Jr.

IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS

2010-11-23T17:57:00.001-05:00

IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS

I could have written about the etiquette of hosting a dinner or how to be a gracious guest this Thanksgiving but the holiday holds deeper meaning to me than just a day of family, friends, food, and football. (Yes, my husband's favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys play every year on this day and just happen to kick off right when dinner is about to be served!) I am greatly blessed to have a close family that actually looks forward to spending the day together and this year I am especially grateful my youngest brother who will be a part of the festivities after 12 years living away in Mississippi.

I ask the questions,"What are we giving thanks for and who are we thanking?" Are we giving thanks for the people in our lives, material possessions, or good health?  What if we are lacking in all these? For some, it could be a year of job loss, home foreclosure, or the diagnois of a terminal illness. So maybe this day forces us to pause and realize the abundance compared to others and yet where are we directing thankfulness?

The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "...in everything give thanks..." EVERYTHING, no exclusions, blessings and difficulties. The verse continues with "for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Is this for real??? It is God's will for us to give thanks even for the difficulties!

A believer in the mercies and grace of Jesus Christ has the ability to give thanks knowing there is a beneficial purpose in the struggles of life.  James 1:2 says to "count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be complete lacking in nothing." The Bible teaches us spiritual maturity is the fruit of trial. We can take joy in the fact that God is causing transformation in our heart and life.

In Romans 8:28 Paul states,"And we know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." This does not support that all things are good and tragedy will not happen but God promises to overrule and use circumstances caused by a sinful world to accomplish His eternal purposes in the lives of those who love Him and who have responded to His call.

We are assured that He is the strength that supports, the comfort that calms, the peace beyond understanding, and the hope amidst uncertainty. I have much to be thankful according to the standards of this world - grand house, sporty cat, loyal friends, aand loving family. But Thanksgiving for me has a more profound significance that pales compared to the temporal offerings of this life.

I am thankful that there exists no struggle in this life that will separate me from the love of God. Love that stretched out it's arms on a cross and died for my my sin and failure procuring for me a new identity and potential in this earthly life and assuring my eternal destiny will someday be heaven.

This Thanksgiving in "everything" I will give thanks.

Effective Executive Communication

2010-11-15T12:15:00.003-05:00

EFFECTIVE EXECUTIVE COMMUNICATION

"The words of the wise are like goads, and like nails firmly fixed..." Ecclesiastes 12:14

As an executive, when you communicate you want to convey confidence and credibility, and you want people to feel compelled to listen. Considering that a lot of what is communicated is non-verbal, body language and vocal inflection can mis-communicate your real message. Use these seven tips to increase the effectiveness of your communication and ensure that you always get your point across.

1. Recognize the Power in Your Posture
Your communication starts with the stance you choose when you speak. Whether you are talking on the phone or you are in a meeting, it is always best to stand up when you speak. To really get your point across pull your shoulders back to slightly exaggerate your posture and open up your diaphragm. Do not play with a pen, fidget or cross your arms and legs when you speak. Using open body language conveys that you mean what you say and are open to the input of others.

2. Project Your Voice
Recognize that the purpose of the volume of your voice is not exclusively to ensure that the listeners hear you. Volume adds authority to your vocal presentation and it is important to speak up to project the volume that demands attention.

3. Be Articulate
The most prevalent challenge in every day business communication is the lack of clear articulation in conversation. Every time you use a speech filler as in “ah” or “um” or “you know” or “so,” you are detracting from the confidence you want your words to convey and you diminish the power of your message. Ask a trusted colleague to tell you what your speech fillers are and work to eliminate them. You can also record a few of your phone conversations; you will be surprised at what you hear.
Remember to be clear about the message you are delivering. Don’t cloud the issues you are talking about. If you are delivering a message about appropriate office attire, you don’t want to start giving detailed messages about the upcoming company picnic.

4. Pay Attention to Your Pace
Everyone has their own natural pace for speaking. When we are nervous many people really speed up. When we talk too fast we convey a lack of experience, and we do not allow time for our listeners to comprehend what we are saying. Pay attention to your pace, be sure to breath and do not be afraid to pause.

5. Keep In Eye Contact
Another huge challenge many executives have when they are talking is that they look everywhere except at the people to whom they are speaking. Do not let that be you. When you avoid looking at people, they may subconsciously feel that you are not telling the truth and you are also more likely to lose their attention. Staying in eye contact makes people feel like you are speaking to them personally rather than just speaking out loud.

6. Be Prepared Even When You Think It’s Not Necessary
So often executives think that because they know their work or their projects so well that they can “wing” a briefing or even a fairly long report or presentation. Don’t do it. Winging it never works well unless you have delivered the same message or report or presentation a hundred times. Take five minutes to figure out your talking points, or take even longer for a major presentation. Preparation makes you feel confident and ensures your nerves will not get the best of you.
Even before you call a client or leave a message for your boss do not hesitate to take a few moments to jot down your ideas. This way you will always come across as the competent professional that you are.

7. Be Consistent
Keep your message consistent. Don’t contradict yourself from one communication to the next, or be inconsistent in your words on the same subject to different people. This can quickly put your coworkers in the position of distrusting you. Consistent communication is key to building confidence in the workplace.
Every time you speak you solidify or confuse the effective executive image you have been working hard to create. Identify which of these communication areas need the most attention from you and get started today. Your communication is the cornerstone of your executive image. Make sure yours is working for you.

GET IN, GET ON, GET OUT - MAKE MEETINGS COUNT

2010-11-08T12:12:00.003-05:00

GET IN, GET ON, GET OUT -
MAKE MEETINGS COUNT

“When the outcome of a meeting is to have another meeting, it has been a lousy meeting.”  

Herbert Hoover, U.S. President

Running a meeting with finesse can be as challenging as running a marathon, but ultimately as rewarding. Follow these tips, and you will successfully chair meetings with ease.

Plan Your Meeting to Meet Your Plan
Planning is the first and most important step in running a meeting. Being prepared and keeping to your agenda sets you up for success.

Send out invitations and an agenda with meeting logistics as far in advance as possible. If the agenda is not yet available, tell invitees the agenda will come later and ask them to save the date and time. Then make sure to send the agenda via email at least two or three business days in advance of the meeting. Include all reading materials and snail mail hard copies of all documents. Allow enough time for invitees to read and gather information for the meeting.

Bring copies of the agenda and any attachments to the meeting for those who have not printed them or who did not bring them.

Watch Your Watch
Keep to your agenda and timetable for the meeting. If you must deviate from the original plan, explain why and make sure the change does not cause the meeting to run past the allotted time.

Ask and Answer
Anticipate any questions attendees might ask and decide how to best answer them. As the meeting leader, you must gracefully answer any questions that come up, even the hard or challenging ones. If you do not know the answer, say so and promise to find out and report. Then, follow up with this as soon as the meeting ends.

Provide Refreshments
Nothing seems worse to a restless group than a long meeting with no sustenance. If you must schedule a meeting longer than two hours, take a break and provide refreshments about halfway into the time. This helps eliminate restlessness and shows your invitees you appreciate their time and value their comfort.

Focus
Keep your meeting on course. If it is distracting for you to keep track of the agenda, ask a trusted colleague to let you know when you are getting to far astray from the agenda or assign someone to serve as a timekeeper and a minute recorder.

Listen
As a rule, everyone needs to wait his or her turn before talking. Do not allow people to interrupt each other or let someone take over leadership of the meeting and change the agenda. To stay on track, schedule a question-and-answer session at the end of the meeting and put it on the agenda.

Avoid Gossip and Chatting
If an issue or controversial subject not on the agenda comes up during the meeting, acknowledge it and defer it to a later time. Create a “parking lot” to capture these subjects for later discussion if time allows. Refer to the agenda and lead the group back to it.

Follow Up
As soon as possible after the meeting ends, send a thank you note to participants with a summary of the meeting, a reminder of any items that need follow-up, who is responsible for that follow-up and the answer to any questions you promised to provide. If the meeting is more formal and someone has been taking meeting minutes ask them to get the minutes out to the participants within 24 hours.

Mission Accomplished
By following these basic rules for leading a meeting, you can successfully plan, execute and follow-up on important business. Your invitees will appreciate your commitment to sticking to your stated agenda and you will accomplish more. If you do not already follow these tips, try them with your next meeting—you will like the results.

UNCORKED: Wine Etiquette

2010-10-11T12:23:00.001-04:00

“Wine comes in at the mouth, and love comes in at the eye.”

William Butler Yeats

Wine has a way of drawing hearts together whether family, friends, or that special someone. Wine can also be a catalyst for cementing a business relationship while entertaining clients over dinner. Nothing compares to the soothing quality that first sip has on the palette as well as body, and soul.

Here are a few wine etiquette tips to calm any fears about ordering wine in both a social or business environment:

1. Don’t be intimidated by the expensive wines offered on a restaurant’s list. Feel free to order a moderately priced bottle.

2. If you are unsure about the labels on a wine list, ask the waitperson or sommelier for suggestions. They are trained to pair wines with the food you and your guests are ordering.

3. A genuine professional will suggest several wines at varying price points when asking for suggestions. Communicating your intended budget would be helpful to the waitstaff.

4. Encourage conversation by inviting the other guests to make suggestions. Some people enjoy contributing their knowledge and experience about wine.

5. A generous size glass is critical for the wine to open up so you can smell the bouquet and taste the fullness. Drinking wine out of a poorly designed glass is not acceptable and it is proper to request another glass.

6. If you genuinely believe the wine does not taste quite right, politely send it back.

7. If it is not to your liking, the restaurant should not be penalized. You may order another bottle and offer to pay for the wine you didn’t care for.

8. After the server has initially poured your wine, it has become more common, especially in casual restaurants, to refill your own glass.

9. In a BYOB restaurant it is customary to pour a glass for the chef so he can adapt your food to complement the wine.

10. Always respect one’s desire not to indulge in an alcoholic drink. You always want to make your guests comfortable.

“Wine comes in at the mouth, and love comes in at the eye.”

It is Never "Just Lunch"

2010-10-04T13:20:00.002-04:00

Hosting clients for a lunch can close the deal.

Do you have clients or prospects who do not respond to your phone calls? Do they always seem to be just at the brink of closing business, but never actually sign on the bottom line? If so, take them out to lunch. A sit-down meal in the neutral environment of a restaurant can be the tipping point to seal the deal.

Contrary to what you may have heard, lunch is never “just lunch.” Your demeanor and efforts to make your client or prospect feel comfortable and welcome speak volumes about who you are and what kind of business you create and represent. Pay attention to details to make a positive, lasting impression and help show your guests how important they are to you.

Make the Offer Convenient and Easy
Before you invite your guest to lunch, do some research. You want to choose a convenient restaurant that suits his or her taste and dietary preferences. Pay attention to matters such as availability of parking, time of day, ease of reservation, noise level in the restaurant and variety of menu items that suit different lifestyles and tastes. Choose several different times and dates when you will be available and offer these options.

Extend a Strong Invitation
Lock in a place, time and date immediately. Be specific in your invitation and give the reason for a lunch meeting. You might open the invitation like this:

“Hello, [name]. I would like the opportunity to discuss your business with you in greater detail over lunch and am hoping you can join me next [insert day and date] to discuss our partnership and begin to move forward on joint projects. [Restaurant name] is in your neighborhood, and I enjoy their lunch menu. Are you available at [time]? I will make the reservation in my name and, of course, the lunch is on me.”

If your invitee is unavailable at that time or date or seems unimpressed with your choice, offer your other options or ask him or her for suggestions. You may want to ask who else should be included in the invitation, especially if you know there is more than one decision maker, such as your guest’s boss.

Work out the Details
Check and double-check with the restaurant to be sure you are correct about parking instructions and time of reservation. Arrange in advance for the meal to be billed to your credit card. The check should not be delivered to the table.

Treat Your Meeting with Care
Once the luncheon is set, do not reschedule it or make any changes unless you have an emergency. Your word is your bond, and time is precious; your client or prospect wants to know you are someone who can be trusted to perform as promised. The business day before your lunch date, send an email or phone your guests with a reminder.

Prepare for Arrival
On the day of the luncheon, follow these simple rules to ensure it is a success:
• Arrive early to ensure the table arrangements are agreeable to you.
• Turn off your cell phone for the duration of the luncheon.
• Make sure any paperwork you need is easily available for quick reference or signatures.
• Greet your guests upon their arrival and make introductions.
• Stand and shake hands to greet each guest. If introductions are necessary, introduce your guests to your co-workers first and in the order of rank within each company rather than gender. For example, if you have brought your assistant with you (whether male or female) and your guest (male) arrives with the president of his company (female) and V.P. of marketing (male), you would first introduce your assistant to the president , then to the V.P. of marketing, and finally, to your guest.

Go with the Flow
Encourage your guests to read the menu and offer suggestions or ask them for suggestions if the restaurant was their choice. Avoid comments about dieting or food choices.

Fold your napkin in your lap with the folds facing outward, and it will be available to wipe your fingers. If you leave your seat during the meal, simply drape your napkin over the back of your chair. If the restaurant has bench-style seating, fold the napkin with the used side inward and place it to the side of your plate.

Stay alert to any needs your guests may have. Ask the wait staff for water or more bread. Being attentive to the details is a wonderful way to show how important their needs are to you.

Take it slow and do not rush to discuss business. Let the conversation progress naturally toward the reason you have come together over lunch.

Thank Your Guests for Their Time and  Ask for Their Business
As your meal ends, ask who would like dessert or coffee and wait for an opening to thank your guests for joining you. Say something like, “I am pleased you were able to join me today. Thank you for sharing your lunchtime; I know how busy a work day can get!”

Mention the decision you want them to make using a quick “Yes” or “No” question that encourages them to agree to the business. For example, “Shall I go ahead and schedule a shipment of 100 boxes of chocolates for each of your offices tomorrow morning?” or “Shall we sign these contracts now?” Make sure you have the necessary paperwork ready and a working pen handy.

Follow Up with a Note
Follow up with an email or snail mail note of thanks and a statement of your next steps in your business partnership with your guest (who, by now, has become a client).

Following these guidelines can help you make the most of your business luncheons and help you build relationships that add to your bottom line.

Spectator Etiquette at the LPGA Tournament

2010-06-16T16:15:00.005-04:00

The ShopRite LPGA Classic has returned after a four year absence to the Greater Atlantic City area in southern New Jersey and the tournament is in full "swing" at the Seaview Dolce Resort. The tournament is a generous contributor to many local charities including the Community Foodbank and is always an affordable exciting event for the whole family. Championship play begins on Friday and the final round is on Sunday. The Golf Channel will be televising the Classic all three days. The weather is expected to be stellar, bring your sunsceen and bug spray and remember a few rules of spectator etiquette:

1. Obey signs and directions of the course officials.

2. It is important to be quiet and stand still when a player is focusing and preparing to make their swing.

3. Cell phones are prohibited at the tournament along with other items such as cameras, food, and over sized bags.

4. Resist the urge to ask for autographs during a player’s rounds.

5. Booing, heckling, and foul language are not appropriate at a golf tournament and may get you thrown off the course.

Volunteers are still needed, call Ashley Lough at the tournament office -
609-798-0222.

For other information: www.shopritelpgaclassic.com

BOARDWALK ETIQUETTE

2010-06-03T10:58:00.003-04:00

Living by the South Jersey shoreline, I am privileged to have the beach and boardwalk a block away from my home. I anxiously await the summer season and the temperature to warm so I can begin my mornings with a bike ride on the boardwalk. Along with the summer season also come the throngs of visitors who share the same love of sand between their toes and the smell of the sea air. One being my brother who came to visit this Memorial Day weekend with my sister-in-law. I encouraged them to take a bike ride and enjoy the morning on the boardwalk. My brother returned with a story of a man riding while talking on his cell phone obstructing the flow of bike traffic. The other bikers felt it necessary to scold him and make him aware of his rudeness although to no avail. The biker continued his cell phone conversation without any acknowledgement of those around him.

The boardwalk is a valued treasure in our community and is shared by many especially in the summer - walkers, bikers, runners, skaters. It is important to encourage safety and respect so with a few boardwalk etiquette tips both locals and seasonal visitors can harmoniously enjoy all the boardwalk has to offer:

1. Always adhere to the local laws of the community usually posted on the boardwalk regarding biking hours and dog walking.

2. The boardwalk is not for hardcore biking enthusiasts, better to find a less congested route.

3. Pull off to a side street for cell phone use including placing a call, texting, etc., during crowded biking hours or use a handsfree listening device to answer a call.

4. Everyone including bikers, walkers, runners should stay to the right and move with the flow of traffic and not against it.

5. Walk, ride, or run as far right near the railing as possible for those who are moving faster and would like to pass. Pass on the left and alert those in front you are passing. Wait for oncoming traffic to clear before passing.

6. Large groups need to be aware of monopolizing the width of the boardwalk especially in narrow areas.

7. Beware of stopping, chatting, and obstructing the flow of traffic. Position bikes parellel to railing and stand close to the side as posssible.

8. Look both ways before entering and crossing the boardwalk.

9. Parents should review safety rules with their children before riding on the boardwalk.

10. Awareness and common courtesy can make for an enjoyable experience for all.

EXECUTIVE DINING ETIQUETTE: Dining Dilemmas

2010-03-30T13:53:00.003-04:00

In the global marketplace of this century your people skills are as vital to your career as your industry expertise. Like a pair of favorite shoes we could all use some professional polishing up from time to time. Arming yourself with the simple rules of proper dining etiquette will protect you from unexpected embarrassing moments that could cost you credibility. Vince Lombardi, the late great football coach of the Green Bay Packers once said. “Confidence increases in direct proportion to preparation.” Common sense, courtesy and applying these etiquette guidelines are ingredients for a powerful confident presence to feast flawlessly up the corporate ladder of success.

Dining Dilemmas: Oops, I dropped my fork on the floor?

We have all found ourselves unexpectedly in dining dilemma desperation, an awkward or amusing moment when we would have actually preferred to crawl under the table than remain in our chairs. I would like to present a few tips to navigate through some of these common quandaries.

· Dropped silverware should remain on the floor but quietly alert the wait staff immediately.

· Always sample everything that is served unless you have a food allergy and then a simple “No thank you” is all that is necessary.

· Remove foreign matter from your mouth with your thumb and index fingers and place it on the edge of your plate.

· Point out to the wait staff in a gracious manner any strange objects in your food or on your plate.

· If a cough or sneeze comes on unexpected, turn your face towards your shoulder and cover your mouth with your napkin.

· If food is caught between your teeth, do not use a toothpick or pick with your fingers at the table but excuse yourself and remove it privately.

· Remove spoiled food from your mouth by covering your mouth with one hand and remove the food with the other.

· If you have taken a bite of food that is too hot in temperature quickly cool it down with your beverage.

Eating Various Foods: Can I eat my French fries with my fingers?

· You can eat your French fries with your fingers only at McDonald’s or other fast food restaurant. It is best to use your fork in most casual restaurants and certainly in a fine dining atmosphere.

· Break off a bite size piece of bread at one time over the bread plate to avoid distributing crumbs around the table.

· Finger foods are prepared to be eaten with your fingers, but be sure to have a napkin readily available.

· Chicken is eaten with the fingers only at a barbecue or family picnic.

· Use a fork to twirl a few strands of pasta at a time.

· Be sure to taste your food before salting to avoid excessive seasoning.

· Shrimp cocktail served with the tails may be eaten with the fingers.

· The petals of a whole artichoke are eaten with the fingers and the heart with a knife and fork.

EXECUTIVE DINING ETIQUETTE: When can I begin eating?

2010-03-25T17:03:00.006-04:00

Manners at the table, like all proper behavior must be an attitude of the heart that genuinely desires to convey the utmost respect and consideration to those around us in both a personal or professional environment. Like George Washington wrote at the age of fourteen in his book Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior, “Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.” Paul the apostle wrote, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should not only look to your own interests but to the interests of others.” The traits of humility and a high regard for others communicate self-restraint and strength of character, positive qualities of a winning professional.

Behavior at the Table: When can I begin eating?

It is appropriate to commence eating when the host begins. In the event you are seated at a banquet table, wait for two or three persons to be served so as not to allow the food to cool down or pause and allow all to be served at a smaller table of diners. Regardless of how ravenous you may be maintaining your composure at the table reflects a positive professional image.

Even in a business dining setting an upright body position at the table communicates self-assurance and authority. The elbows are to be kept close to the body while eating and definitely resist the urge to place them on the table except between courses or after the meal. The wrists may rest at the table’s edge, one in the American style with the other hand on the lap and two wrists in the Continental style.

Be aware of unconscious habits such as talking with the utensils, touching the hair or face and fidgeting with the hands and feet. Avoid discussions about health, diet, and controversial issues during a meal. It is fitting to perform nose blowing in the nearest lavatory and it is unfitting for a man to drape his tie on his shoulder and for a woman to reapply lipstick at the table. You do not want to be the first or last to finish your meal and consume your food in small bites to easily converse with the other diners.

In his book 1001 Things Your Mother Told You Croft M. Pentz quotes, “It’s bad manners to talk when your mouth is full and your head is empty.”

The Finger Bowl: Is this dessert?

A celebrity co-host of a well known talk show was invited to a White House dinner honoring the Queen of England. She was asked by a fellow diner, “What’s for dessert?” and in a moment of naivete, she looked at the bowl in front of her that was filled with water and had the fragrance of roses and responded, “This is it.” Fortunately, the woman noticed another guest, former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, cleansing her fingers in the bowl, and realized this was actually not dessert.

The finger bowl was commonly used in an age prior to the introduction of eating utensils. It is a rare occasion that the finger bowl appears today and it is typically in a formal dining environment. Regardless of the dining situation knowledge is power and knowing the proper use of the finger bowl may perhaps preserve you from an awkward moment that reveals a lack of sophistication.

The finger bowl may arrive atop the dessert plate accompanied by the dessert fork and spoon. In this case, place the fork and spoon on the table and lift both the finger bowl and doily together with both hands and place it to the upper left of the plate. When dessert is finished and the plate is removed lift the finger bowl and doily with both hands and place in front of you. Proceed to immerse the finger tips of one hand drying them with the napkin resting on your lap and then repeat with the opposite hand. The finger bowl may also be presented after the dessert course is completed and removed.

Executive Dining Etiquette

2010-02-26T13:47:00.001-05:00

Interviewing over a meal is commonplace in many industries revealing the level of social competence of a potential job candidate. Whether you are dining with a client, networking in the business community or attending a conference or meeting, the food is secondary and the interaction is the focal point. Croft M. Pentz, the author of 1001 Things Your Mother Told You says, “You can see how important manners are by watching people who don’t have any.” But then again he also says, “The test of good manners is being able to put up pleasantly with bad ones.”

Napkin Know How: Do I blot or dab?

History reveals the napkin at one time was the size of a bath towel prior to the introduction of eating utensils and was also utilized to take home any leftover food. It is best to blot or dab the mouth lightly when needed as an alternative to a sweeping wipe across the mouth. When the host picks up their napkin you may pick up yours and unfold it on your lap with the fold facing your waistline. In the absence of a host, wait until two or three others have taken their seat to pick up your napkin. It is not appropriate to tuck the napkin in your collar or belt. Place the napkin on the chair when leaving the table momentarily indicating your return to the meal. At the conclusion of the meal loosely rest the napkin to the left side of the place setting at the initiation of the host.

Styles of Eating: Do I hold my fork in the right or left hand?

Regardless whether you are eating in the American or Continental style you begin cutting your first bite with the fork in the left hand and knife in the right, handles tucked in the palm of your hands, tines facing down using your index fingers extended atop each utensil as leverage. In the proper American style proceed by laying the knife at the upper right corner edge of the plate with the blade aiming toward the center and then rotate the left wrist outward and switch the fork to the right hand, holding it similar to a pencil and raise the food to your mouth.

The Continental style, the most universally accepted style of eating includes raising the food to your mouth with the fork in the left hand tines down eliminating the step of switching hands as in the American style. The knife remains in the right hand during the duration of the meal and is utilized more in the eating process. Whatever style you prefer just be sure not to hold your fork as though you were shoveling dirt or as one anonymous writer advises, “It is coarse and ungraceful to throw food into the mouth as you would toss hay into the barn with a pitchfork.”

When you need to sip your beverage or pause from eating for a moment the American style dictates the knife is placed at the upper right corner edge of the plate with the blade aiming toward the center and the fork is placed in a skewed position to the right. Visualizing the face of a clock, the handle should be resting at the four and the tines facing up pointing towards the ten or as it is traditionally referred to as the 10:20 position. In the Continental style the knife and fork cross at the center of the plate, knife on the right, blade directed downward with the fork tines facing down across the blade of the knife.

When you have concluded eating in the American style the fork and knife are placed in the 10:20 position with the fork below the knife and tines facing up. The finished position for the Continental style is similar to the American style with the exception of the tines of the fork facing down. Whatever style you prefer consistency is the key.
If soup is on the menu, be sure to handle the spoon similar to holding a pencil and spoon away from yourself towards the outer edge of the bowl where the soup has cooled enough to eat. A word of wisdom quoted from George Washington’s book, Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour, “…blow not your broth at the table but stay till it cools of itself.”

Table Setting Sense: Which bread plate is mine?

2010-02-25T19:48:00.001-05:00

The importance of civility at the dining table has waned in recent decades in an American society of busyness and activity overload that deprived younger generations now in the current workforce of the traditional family dinner experience. I have found that my young students eat their meals everywhere but at the table. As they become young adults with degrees in hand they unfortunately lack the basic life skills necessary to achieve their professional goals. A professor from Columbia Business School states, “Social intelligence is not a replacement for abstract intelligence. That gets you in the door, but social intelligence gets you to the top.”

Table Setting Sense: Which bread plate is mine?

I have experienced on many occasions both socially and professionally the commandeering of my bread plate by one who may not have learned some of the finer points of etiquette. In this situation it is best not to draw attention to your neighbor’s gaffe but kindly request another plate or forego the bread altogether. Your bread plate will be located to the upper left of the place setting and all liquids will be to the upper right.

The place setting is a visual introduction to the meal, offering a sneak peek into the menu by the placement and number of silverware. The knives and spoons will be to the right and the forks to your left with the exception of a cocktail fork which would also be found to the right. The dessert fork and spoon are sometimes found horizontally at the top of the place setting unless they accompany the dessert. As each course is served choose the appropriate eating utensil farthest from the plate working from the outside inward.

FLAWLESS FEASTING: Executive Table Manners

2010-02-18T16:31:00.005-05:00

In the mid 1800’s the English judge Lord William Stowell quotes, ”A dinner lubricates business.” This statement still holds truth today in the twenty-first century marketplace. A prerequisite of a successful executive is the ability to foster and cultivate business relationships over a meal. Regardless of whether it be a refined dining atmosphere or a casual environment manners at the table imply your intelligence level, character and attentiveness to the finer details of life that translate into nonverbal messages about your professional competence and capabilities. Yes, how you handle your napkin, hold your fork or speak to the restaurant staff can affect your career ambitions.

Taking Your Seat: Where do I sit?
W.S. Gilbert, English dramatist and librettist wrote, “It isn’t so much what’s on the table that matters as what’s on the chairs.” Allow the host to direct the seating arrangements if place cards aren’t visible. If the host does not offer guidance, take the seat nearest you. Honored guests are customarily seated to the right of the host during the meal. Standing behind the chair, approach or enter your seat from the right side. There is no gender distinction in a professional setting so a man is not expected to pull out a woman’s chair although if he chooses to do so a simple thank you is in order. Handbags, cell phones, Blackberries, briefcases, and papers, should be placed on the lap or under the chair, not on the dining table.

EXECUTIVE ETIQUETTE POWER

Co-authored by Debra Gitto

A Good, Blessed New Year

2010-01-01T15:43:00.004-05:00

I was blessed this first morning of the New Year by the timeless writing of Mrs. Charles E. Cowman from her classic book, Streams In the Desert:

The land whither ye go to possess it is a land of hills and valleys and drinketh water of the rain of heaven; a land which the Lord thy God careth for; the eyes of the Lord thy God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year even unto the end of the year.
Deuteronomy 11:11-12
Today, dear friends, we stand upon the verge of the unknown. There lies before us the new year and we are going forth to possess it. Who can tell what we shall find? What new experiences, what changes shall come, what new needs shall arise? But here is the cheering, comforting, gladdening message from our heavenly Father, "The Lord thy God careth for it." "His eyes are upon it away to the ending of the year."
All our supply is to come from the Lord. Here are springs that shall never dry; here are fountains and streams that shall never be cut off. Here, anxious one, is the gracious pledge of the heavenly Father. If He be the source of our mercies they can never fail us. No heat, no drought can parch that river, "the streams whereof make glad the city of God."
The land is a land of hills and valleys. It is not all smooth nor all downhill. If life were all one dead level of dull sameness it would oppress us; we want the hills and the valleys. The hills collect the rain for a hundred fruitful valleys. Ah, so it is with us! It is the hill difficulty that drives us to the throne of grace and brings down the shower of blessing; the hills, the bleak hills of life that we wonder at and perhaps grumble at, bring down the showers. How many have perished in the wilderness, buried under its golden sands, who would have lived and thriven in the hill country; how many would have been killed by the frost, blighted with winds, swept desolate of tree and fruit but for the hill - stern, hard, rugged, so steep to climb. God's hills are a gracious protection for His people against their foes!
We cannot tell what loss and sorrow and trial are doing. Trust only. The Father comes near to take our hand and lead us on our way today. It shall be a good, a blessed new year!

Hope For the New Year

2009-12-30T13:05:00.002-05:00

Hope is defined as a future expectation and the verb means to trust. What are you expecting in the New Year? What are you trusting to make it a "Happy" New Year? Is your hope for the coming year an exercise in positive thinking or attitude adjustment without real certainty of improved outcomes? We cross the threshold of the New Year with intention, listing goals and resolutions to clarify our direction and yet when the unforeseen happens our direction is discombobulated and our motivation fades. The "Happy" in the New Year quickly dissipates when obstacles to our goal setting arise and difficulties happen whether personal or professional.

Life is not easy and putting hope in those things that can inevitably fail us is very discouraging. The Bible in the book of Romans talks about a "hope that does not disappoint" and in Hebrews, "the hope we have as an anchor of the soul." Faith in the saving power of Jesus Christ is placing hope in something far greater than ourselves, others, possessions, career, or the New Year.

Romans 5:1,2 says,"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." How do we experience this glorious hope of God, the "anchor of the soul?" It is when we can "glory in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Rom. 5:3-5

As Matthew Henry quotes, "Patient sufferers have the greatest experience of divine consolations." Our hope is encouraged by the promised benefits no matter what the struggles.
In difficulty we draw nearer to God and become more intimately acquainted with His extraordinary love for us.

May your hope for the New Year be grounded in the glorious work God is going to to do in and through you to accomplish His purposes.

" Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,
'Therefore, I hope in Him.'
Lamentations 3:22-24

Biblical Hospitality: The Gift of Welcome

2009-12-07T16:23:00.004-05:00

This past Saturday I had the blessing of speaking to the lovely women of First Presbyterian Church in Ocean City, New Jersey on the topic of hospitality according to God's Word, the Bible. We are already in the midst of holiday entertaining with Thanksgiving behind us and Christmas, Hanukkah, and the New Year just around the corner. This festive season includes inviting friends and family members into our homes to drink, to dine, and even to become our houseguest for a few days.

The Biblical model of hospitality is more than elegant menus and elaborate table settings, it is the unselfish desire to meet the needs of others with no thought of personal gain. It is sharing who we are and what we have, being a good steward with the resources the Lord has generously given to us. This could be our time, money, food, energy, creativity, and the love and mercy of Christ that has been extended to us. It is fulfilling the Biblical mandate found in Hebrews 10:25,
"And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together......"

In the Old Testament, hospitality was not just good manners but a necessity in the harsh desert regions where there were no planes, trains, and automobiles, Ritz Carltons, or even a Motel Six.

There were very few inns and it was not uncommon to feed and lodge strangers traveling through the region. God gave instructions to the Israelites through Moses in Deuteronomy 10:18, 19. Moses teaches that the Lord "...loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing" and then goes on to say, "Therefore, love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt." In 1 Samuuel 25 we find God's punishment when Nabal, a very wealthy man, was struck dead when he did not extend hospitaliy to the soon to be King David and his 400 soldiers traveling through Paran. Rahab extended hospitality and protection to Joshua's spys in Joshua 8. God honored her faith and courage by saving her family when Jericho was destroyed.

In the New Testament, in Luke 14:12-14, Jesus instructs, "When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just." Jesus is not saying we should not invite those who are intimately acquainted with us but when we invite only the desirable, does our giving only come from self-centered ambitions to impress or is it to extend the love of Christ to those who are spiritually blind or poor? Are we fearful of inviting certain people to our home because of their appearance, social class, manners, or what others might say about us? Jesus chose to dine with the tax collectors and sinners and paid no mind to the complaining criticism of the Pharisees and scribes.

We can go to the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42 where "Martha was distracted with much serving..." Obviously, the Bible tells us that Martha had the gift of hospitality and loved being the hostess with the mostess but even the good that we intend becomes tainted by our sin nature and our hearts become selfishly motivated. Jesus did not condemn Martha for her heart to serve but asked her to reconsider her priorities and encouraged her to make choices based on eternal values and not immediate pressures.

As we invite guests into our home this season we should consider:

Are you providing a safe place or a show place?

Do you seek to serve others or just impress?

Do you put people before things or elevate things above people?

Do you take no thought of personal gain or reward or expect praise and reciprocation?

Does your hospitality offer freedom that liberates, enabling the exercise of God's gifts and creativity to their fullest or does it become a taskmaster that enslaves, requiring you to meet the expectations of others?

Washing guests' feet was a common exercise of hospitality because sandles were the fashion necessity of that period and the feet became soiled on the unpaved dusty roads. When Jesus attempted to wash the disciple's feet at the last supper, Peter refused. Jesus responded, "If I do not wash you, you have no part in Me." Washing the feet was a servant's job. Jesus actions here served as an example of how we must serve others. How do we "wash the feet" of those that visit our homes?

This Christmas season is touted as season of joy, but for some it is a season of lonliness, sadness, hopelessness. The Christmas season is really about hope, eternal hope. Jesus offers the ultimate extension of hospitality in Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me." In the ancient Jewish world, sharing a meal with someone was a symbol of trust, affection, and intimacy. Jesus invites us to share a personal, intimate relationship with Him. He invites us to trust His lordship over our lives. He has prepared the ultimate banquet with the first course His love, the second, forgiveness, and the third, His grace and mercy. Then there is the final course, the sweetness of dessert, the promise and hope of eternal life.

This Christmas season is about the Father's love, sending the Son to be born in a humble setting, later taking upon Himself the sin of the world, my sin, your sin, by suffering and dying on the cross that we would be reconciled to the Father and have the future hope of eternal life. In Romans 6:23, Paul writes, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Salvation is a gift, a free gift, but it is up to us to accept, unwrap, and make it our own.

I urge you this Christmas season, if you have never experienced the peace of Christ, the peace of heart and soul, open up the door of your heart and invite Jesus to be the Lord of your life.

Debra Gitto Co-authors Executive Etiquette Power

2009-11-13T15:12:00.006-05:00

I began blogging in the Fall of 2008 at the same time my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My priorities changed for almost a year to care and tend to my mother's needs and then to handling her affairs at her passing. It has taken this recent life accomplishment, co-authoring a book, to draw me back to the bloggosphere - another step forward in the grieving process.

I celebrate the opportunity to announce the release of this incredible resource, EXECUTIVE Etiquette POWER. As one of the co-authors, I am privileged to be in the company of top etiquette experts from North America who have also contributed to this book. As quoted from the book,"Your executive or professional success comes as the result of more than talent, commitment and hard work. Your career success will also be determined by how you greet a client, conduct a meeting, deliver a presentation or entertain your new business contacts. In fact, your success is determined by the way you present yourself in all that you say and do!" This book is packed with great ideas that will enhance your career in ways you cannot yet imagine. I dedicate my chapter, Flawless Feasting: A Guide to Executive Table Manners to my mother Loretta Applegate, who instilled in me as a child the importance of presenting myself properly to others. Thanks, Mom.
This book is available by visiting http://www.etiquetteinfo.com/ or calling 609.822.8164.

"And a man is valued by what others say of him." Proverbs 27:21

Happy Anniversary

2008-09-23T16:22:00.003-04:00

This is a tribute to the extraordinary man I married fifteen years ago on September 24, 1993. I am not sure where these fifteen years have gone, but I do know they have been the most treasured years of my life. He is still as handsome and princely as when I first fell in love with him, but as time has revealed his true heart, my love for my husband comes from a far deeper place today.

My husband, Joe, is a man who seeks after the heart and will of God in all he does - work, marriage, family, or church. The kindness and mercy of Christ is shown through his genuine care and concern for those that God has strategically placed in his life including me. He is a selfless person needing only simple things for contentment.

Joe has provided for me much more than material posessions could ever offer. He is my rock during dark times with just the right words of hope. He is my counselor when I need advice and direction. He is my consoler in times of sadness. He is my companion and cheerleader sharing life's greatest joys and accomplishments. I have a trust for my husband that has never been doubted and a respect for his character that has been proven time and again.

No, my husband is not perfect and neither is our marriage, but I am enormously thankful, blessed, and proud to call Joseph Gitto, my husband. He is the love of my life and my best friend. I love you honey!

Politics & Conversation

2008-09-08T15:04:00.004-04:00

The presidential campaign has more than just heated up, it is on fire, and we will all find ourselves in a discourse with someone who is intent on expressing their pick and why. In our mind we will be thinking they forgot the old rule never discuss politics and religion. It is exciting to experience the energy that has evolved in our country for this election and to witness the anticipation of the appearances and debates of the candidates. There are some who are so passionate about their opinions their heads might explode if they don't talk about it and discharge all the emotion. How do we handle these political conversations, keep emotionally controlled, and preserve civility?

Don't react negatively, stay calm to diffuse an emotionally charged conversation.
It is not about winning an argument, but to agree to disagree and maintain a future relationship.
Be a good listener even if you don't agree. This communicates respect.
Don't interrupt until the person is finished makng their point.
Don't take things personally if the person is not in agreement with your opinions.
Responding with questions can sometimes get your point across without engaging the other person into a debate.
Avoid feeding into personal attacks that fuel defensiveness.
Offer your opinions wth grace by your tone of voice, facial expression, and choice of words.
Add humor to lighten the conversation.
Change the subject if things get too heated by directing the conversation to another topic.

It is wise not to dump your opinions and views about controversial subjects on someone you just met or in an environment of unfamiliar people. We are blessed to live in a country where we have the freedom of speech, and the freedom to choose without fear or repurcussion.

"Whoever guards his mouth and tongue,
keeps his soul from troubles."
Proverbs 21:23

BACK TO SCHOOL ETIQUETTE

2008-08-27T15:45:00.002-04:00

BACK TO SCHOOL ETIQUETTE

The president of Gitto Consulting says a return to school could include a refresher course in playground civility. Parents might want to remind their children about the importance of manners in school after a summer of lots of fun in the sun and unstructured activity. Respect for teachers, school personnel, and other students is necessary for building healthy relationships that make the child’s year productive and memorable. Here are a few etiquette reminders:

1. Whether you walk to school, ride the bus, or carpool, punctuality shows consideration to those who otherwise would have to wait. Parents definitely play a role in getting the children out the door on time, especially younger children.
2. Greet bus drivers and fellow students with a smile and a friendly “Hello.” Be aware of students new to the school and introduce yourself. It may be the beginning of a new friendship.
3. Introduce yourself to your new teachers with a handshake and a greeting. You will make a great first impression.
4. When asked to line up, don’t push your way to the front. There are no special rewards for being first in line.
5. Do not place backpacks or personal belongings where others might trip over them whether you are at a desk, cafeteria table, or in an auditorium.
6. During class, follow the teacher’s guidelines for raising your hand to speak, getting up out of your seat, and using the rest room.
7. Sitting up straight at your desk shows respect and will keep you more alert.
8. Be mindful of your locker space even though it is tight. Let others get to their lockers next to you by not opening your door too far and not allowing your friends to congregate around you.
9. Remember your table manners in the cafeteria even when others forget theirs. Do not ask to share food or make fun of someone’s special dietary needs and make sure you clean up after yourself.
10. You must respect and obey school officials and personnel such as the secretaries, nurses, janitors, and others. There common goal is for the well-being and academic success for all students.

"My son, do not forget my law, but let your heart keep my commands; for length of days and long life and peace they will add to you." Proverbs 3:1,2

SPORTSMANSHIP VS. GAMESMANSHIP

2008-08-21T11:40:00.001-04:00

As I, too, have gotten drawn into the adrenaline rush of the Olympics, I began to hear the term “gamesmanship” tossed around in regard to the Chinese gymnasts. It brings to mind a children’s class I developed on sportsmanship vs. gamesmanship. Even though many of my students play various sports, they have never been introduced to the word “gamesmanship.”

The definition of sportsmanship is recognizing and observing the rules of fair play, being respectful and gracious even when losing. Gamesmanship is playing or winning by questionable means, not necessarily breaking the rules. This is placing performance over character. The Encarta World Class Dictionary also defines gamesmanship as “the use of tactics or stratagems to gain an advantage in business, politics, or life.” What our children learn today will definitely be applied to their future actions in life and career.

In recent years we have learned about some of our favored athletes using performance enhancing drugs to gain an unfair advantage over their competitors and, unfortunately, tarnished their achievements, reputations, and careers. Our children are watching, listening, and learning and to think otherwise is foolishness.

There is a prestige attached to the Olympics and people from around the world wait for even a glimpse of their countries athletes competing even if they have never tasted a medal victory. Their victory is just the privilege to participate. The United States is center stage with some of the worlds most accomplished athletes with the opportunity whether win or lose to demonstrate an example of sportsmanship. Going back to the 2004 Olympics, I hope to witness again a similar act of humbleness such as that of Michael Phelps when he gave up his spot to Ian Crocker in the final men’s 4X100 freestyle relay. Unfortunately, Team USA took the bronze, but the act took the gold.

We need to consistently emphasize to our children the legacy of character lives far past the performance and the true victory is to choose integrity and truth no matter what the score. For more information on this subject, I recommend the Institute for International Sport and you can visit their website at www.internationalsport.com.